someone else that isn't me
by hipstertomato
Summary: sequel to my sad as hell one-shot "maya had gone, maya had gone, and maya had gone". Maya's perspective as she dies and watches Phoenix begin to grieve over her death. AU of some kind.


_A/N: I kind of intend this to be a sequel to "maya had gone, maya had gone, and maya had gone" (that is a long-ass title sorry) but it may not work out that way? Idk I haven't written it yet we'll find out_

_xXx_

It's a curious little thing, being with him.

He can be kind of wishy-washy, but also determined and focused at the same time.

I met him when I was seventeen.

The only one on my side in what was probably the hardest point in my entire life at the time. I don't know. I've been through hell, and I made it out alive.

Oh, but I guess not this time.

She had taken over me. I couldn't control my actions, I couldn't say what I was thinking. Hell, I could barely _think _my own thoughts or see anything. She was in the way. Always in the way…

I spent a long time re-evaluating my relationship with him.

My best friend, the only person I've ever connected with outside of my village and family. Immediately, anyway.

Hell.

I can't breathe.

She's suffocating, and pushy. I can't fight my way out, and I can't breathe. I'm effectively trapped, and I'm probably going to die.

I've accepted that fact.

I'm in love with my best friend, and I know for sure he isn't in love with me. He's in love, yeah. But it's never been me.

I don't know who it is.

He's in love with someone else that isn't me, and that's all that I know for sure.

_God dammit!_

_Let me out!_

I kick against her barrier with my mind. I need out. I have to tell them the truth. I have to let them know what really is happening. It wasn't me. It wasn't me.

I can't breathe.

She's suppressing me, locking me down with an iron fist and she's so heavy- she's a large weight on my chest that's threatening to suffocate me.

I'm kicking, and I'm fighting.

I'm running out of air.

I can't move her to let me breathe.

This is it.

This is it.

I push against her one last time- I can hear them calling to me, I have to get out, I have to tell them I'm okay-

The pain is excruciating.

She's crushing me, and then she's pummeling me with everything she's got. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

God it hurts.

I'm probably blue or purple in the face, and she's not going to let go. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Oh god.

_I'm going to die._

But I knew that. I knew that already.

This isn't a channeling. I'm not in control. She is.

I've given up.

I watch my own body sink to the ground, thudding loudly onto the polished floors.

Then he moved.

He was like lightning across the floor, sprinting to my side.

Hah.

What a fool.

He feels for a pulse, but he knows it's too late. He sinks to the ground beside me, and I watch him cry.

Oh god.

Oh, god.

Tears are pooling beside his face on the floor. He knows I'm dead.

He knows I'm not there anymore.

They're carrying my body out. Looks like the bailiff figured it out.

Maybe they'll try to revive me.

Maybe they won't.

He's choking out a sobbed sentence that I can't understand. He wants something. Probably me. He's not ready for me to be gone.

He crumbles to the ground again, passed out this time. They carry him out too.

I'm alone again.

For now, at least.

I'll get to see my sister again. And my parents.

My family will be put back together.

Except Pearl.

Pearl is alone.

Not much I can do about that.

…why am I crying?

Hot tears are pouring down my eyes.

Oh god.

I'm dead.

They didn't even try to revive me. They probably knew it wouldn't work.

He's waking up. They're telling him, but he already knows.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Wright."

A sob rips from my throat. I'm screaming his name, grasping at him even though I know I won't reach him.

I have to reach him.

I can't reach him.

We're both sobbing messes as we both realize how bad the situation is. I want to be alive again. I need to be alive again.

I need to be there for him let me go back let me go back let me go back

I'm pleading and begging with a God who isn't there to hear me, who can't grant my wishes to be by his side.

I love him so much.

He loves someone.

Someone that isn't me.

Despaired sobs rip from his throat, bringing forth a new kind of hell for me. I hate hearing him cry. I don't want to hear it anymore let me make it stop

Stop crying stop crying

I'm right here please look at me

I'm still here with you please don't forget that

_I'm here I'm here I'm here_

Tears are dripping from my face. He can't see me, he can't hear me, he can't feel me.

I'm not flesh and blood anymore.

I'm a ghost who can't do anything to save him from me

God, what a mess.

Please look at me. Please acknowledge my existence.

He lies on his back. He looks utterly dead inside. Dead and gone, but still alive. I can't tell him that he's going to be okay. I can't tell him what I wanted to say.

Tears are falling from his eyes but he isn't sobbing anymore. It's just a glazed stare that is fixed on the ceiling, watching the fan spin quietly.

He's going to find someone

Someone that isn't me.

_xXx_

_A/N: this one makes less sense than the last one did imo_

_This one is obviously maya and she's kind of dying_

_Idk how possession would've killed her but dahlia's presence suffocating her probably isn't a bad bet. She contemplates her feelings and decides he loves another girl, but she also still misses him and wants to make his pain stop. He can't hear her or see her, and it causes her pain, so she just stands there crying. Idk this makes no sense I was just rambling_

_Somehow inspired by Parachute's "What I Know". Don't ask bc I don't know. I was going to write a ringabel/edea fluff. Something that didn't kill a character literally and another one figuratively. Oh well life goes on bye_


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